wtb self motivation for uni work
want to know why i dislike it so much
why have all the things i liked in high school become such a chore for me now
why is wow so important
want to go back before internet made things so easy and so hard
easy because id never have to have my life wasted in front of this screen
hard because then id never meet some of the amazing and not so amazing people i know from not around here and my education would be scarily lacking
i dislike working with friends in a team situation
i am your friend, we have great friend dynamics
we do not however have good team dynamics
please stop being so limpety
i say this every semester
why do i always group with them?
how much thinking is overthinking?
i dont like that i could convince myself to have a crush on someone who i just want to be friends with
distance sucks when you want to see/meet someone
distance is great when you want to make sure you never meet/see someone
how come being a girl makes you want my email  more? why dont u want to be my friend because im an awesome person?
i forget people have other friends
i never know where i stand
i dont like it when they are that one person i like to talk to most and i dont know if im not on top of their list too....
why dont people talk as much about friendships as they do about dating relationships
friends arent easy, be nice if there was something that took the first move out of them after a time apart
imagine this written on tea stained parchment witha  mug holding it down against the breeze
my mind is in a mellow place, sepia toned
someone hand me a box and inside it contains my direction and my passion please~

 so wishing to stretch my brains and be slightly more productive
my desk is a mess even tho i told myself i would clean it over a fortnight ago
i have trouble waking up, i sleep in for hours and not cause it feels good or im tired
and then i stay up late knowing i shouldnt fuck up my body clock like that
do want to run, but i dont
stopped good habits i thought i was forming
play waaay too much wow
and piles of works piling up
and even tho i finally have a non computer based project for myself, i somehow dont seem to do anything with it, ever
yay for pity party
i have watched some more tv shows/movies ive had sitting around for ages - to most it looks like another form of wasting time - yeh it is - but for me, its not wow, and so its kinda ok

productivity kgo!

 six months of silence
surprisingly lots has changed
finished 2nd yr uni
started last yr
i graduate in decemeber if i pass
first boyfriend
first break up
new outlook on life
have no direction in life
have no passion
is searching for it
started running
stopped running
telling myself to start again
feeling completely lost with my camera and where to start
found out what it feels like to be able to talk to someone who GETS you
had a 20th birthday
first time very tipsy and at a club
found some new friends
old friends have become better friends
seen some good movies
seen some bad ones
is sick of being lazy
but too lazy to do anything bout it
sexual revolution
and liking it

so im myself, but i feel like im a bit more me
learning to understand and listen to my mind and body on all matter of issues
thought i was a lot smarter than i was, but intelligent doesnt equal smart
and naive is better than stupid
having that late teens/early 20s midlife crisis methinks but at least its starting to get to the other side 

*shrugs*

 so
uni is nearly done for the year
thank goodness
now onto holidays
4 months
i need a job
i plan to get one this or next week after my last assignment is handed in
becuase i reall y need the money for my after uni plans and 4 months is an awful long time to sit on my ass
plans for next yr are slowly taking shape
i think im going to spend a year in america working at walt disney world (pending actually getting in) then 2 years in canada working ski fields during the season and in quebec during off seasoin cause they speak lotsa french there
dilemma more closer to home at the moment is chosing my electives for next year
ihave one in each semester and im thinking of doing alanguage. problem is which
i want to do french and japanese
sighs
parents say french, i say jap, but only on a totally infatuated with japan at the moment level
i know french would be smarter cause its more used and i know it already
sighs
wrath of the liche king isa rriving in 12 days
yay for slothness and not yay for so much disconnecting im gona kill some one
and go undead mages
they rule
two whole cities now, this is awesome
(this is wow talk now....)
i gota get into wow lore, i think id really enjoy it
*goes to find ebooks to download*

 I've refreshed my Gnommish. It came back fairly quickly, now I'll be writing in it for days.
For those interested, or not, here is the complete translated text from Artemis Fowl: A Time Paradox: (liberty has been taken on punctuation, the People don't have as complex a grammar system as ours)

From the collected correspondence of Opal Koboi.
A series of letters between Opal Koboi inmate number 1 100 0 101 Atlantis maximum security penitentiary and Wing Commander Vinyaya, Haven Council.
Koboi: My dear Wing Commander, while I realise that my first probation hearing is not due for four hundred years I feel that it would be in the Peoples best interests to release me before then. After all the humans are becoming more sophisticated daily and a genius such as myself will be needed to ensure that fairy technologys remain superior to human technology.
Vinyaya: Dream on Koboi. You're in prison. Accept it.
Koboi: I am sensing negative vibrations you Wing Commander. Do not be so quick to judge. People can change surely you accept that. I admit that once I found the idea of being the planets supreme power an  attractive one but who hasn't secretly nurtured the dream of wiping out humanity and utterly dominating ones own peers. I see now that this dream might be unacceptable to some narrowminded fairies and i am prepared to swear on my pixie honour that should I be released I would not attempt to take over the world again.
Vinyaya: On your pixie honour. Wow. I'll send the transfer shuttle right over.
Koboi: I see now Wing Commander that you never had any intention of sending the transfer shuttle right over. In fact you were being sarcastic. Mocking me from the safety of Police Plaza in Haven. I waited for weeks before I realized that the shuttle was not coming for me. I packed my belongings so that I would be ready. Including my collection of model sea horses which I fashioned from chewed cardboard. My favourite sea horse's Twinky and Goodboy were broken in the process. Twinky cries every night over her severed tail and Goodboy does not look so dashing without his head. Your callousness leaves me no alternative but to place you on my revenge list. When I am finally free of this horrible place and elevated to my rightful position as queen of the world you will take my place in this cell and I will send my troll minions to issue daily beatings with batons fashioned from sea horse tails. A fitting punishment I am sure you agree.
Vinyaya: See you in four hundred years.

Ok I hate my handwriting. not the letters but the slanting, so the end of one line is in line with the beginning of the previous one, so reading it is hard...
But I wasn't actually looking as I wrote, so kudos to me for making it legible.
I am just seeing Vinyaya grin as he writes that last line, thinking 'Yes, see you in 4 hundred years when I'm the one who has to review your case and decide whether or not to release you' This would be an evil grin.

 ive almost finished watching the entire series of buffy
just started season 7 today, hoping to be done by the end of the weekend
have nothing really to say
im going to play more solitaire

 le sigh
another phone call from father
it seems every time i return home or see or talk to my parents a bunch of topics is always discussed

more study
less wow/games
lose weight/more exercise
get a job
what ARE you going to do when you finish uni...

and the send love to my cat andthe reply, yes shes been hissing at us, and ooh i love the dog, hes been all cute as usual ( im not a dog fan, mostly on principle that he now gets all the love and SOMEONE has to be pro cat in the family)
i love my parents. i relly do, i dont really mind talking about these things time and time again, even if i do end up feeling a little guilty about being a bad daughter and not fixing any of the above
but thats just me and both my parents and i know that they rant because its what parents DO, so even though they genuinely are concerned for me, they realise they are also parents being parents.

but yes, tonight father asked me what i was doing for the midsem break. i said i was coming home to play fable 2 all week (then realised it was coming out for swot vac, not midsem) he wasnt happy, and even more so when i said it was actually swotvac
so im now staying in brisbane that week, writing an essay not on fable 2 like i thought i could, but something else cause i cant keep track of what month im in.
he also brought up the job question.
i dont want anotehr job till unis over cause im actually doing some work. but if i leave it there wont be any jobs there for the holidays and parents will not be impressed.
so. im off to write a resume and go job hunting tomorrow.
i want to work in a bookshop (ive mentioned it before) so im going to head round to all the ones i can find first. even the swanky ones. because practice at talking to people is practice. and practice makes perfect, or just less nerves. maybe. i am not yet convinced.
failing a bookstore, well im not sure. i think ill go round to places on the street that look vaguely promising and leave the malls till last. 
a friend suggested newsagencies, but i want to work in a shop rather than a counter. failing all of the above, i could go back to mrs fields. i do not want this to become an option. not becuase i hate the place, but on principle, i LEFT, what good does going BACK do me? (apart from the munnys... )

i hate writing my resume
i never know what the employer is looking for
though now i have seen a billion different ones i sort of know what not to do, if only id payed attention

have you ever tried to write a book?

 I have just had one of the best meals of my entire life. If I died right now, I would be content.
Full three course meal + appetisers and hot choc with petit fours at the e'cco restuarant for a family friends 50th birthday party
I wasn't origianlly invited but someone dropped out so my paretns got a call at teh last minute.
Entree: Pancetta wrapped scallops in a peanuty? sauce with some kinda of mash potato that didnt quite taste like mash
Main: Beautiful salmon on apple with walnuts and salad and creme fraiche
Dessert: Chocolate fondant with vanilla and peanut icecream and salted peanuts in a caramel sauce. (salted peanuts + caramel + chocoalte is SOO goood)
Appetsiers: king trout rolled in seasame seeds, and caramelised onions in filo pastry with pumpkin sauce/puree and cream cheese on top.
Had little chocolate jam drops with the hot chocoalte after the meal.

So yes, I could relive today. Many times.

Apart from teh food, the afternoon was very pleasant. Sat at the 'young adults' table, as opposed to the childrens table, which was nice. I feel like I'm growing up :)
Had a good talk with a friends girlfriend about travel and how we wish we could just go and live/work/country hop with no thought to expenses *sigh*
Also heard some funny/shocking/awesome travel tales from friends cousin. She was in Africa and *long story short* lst sleeping under a curtain (there were no blankets), had her backpack stolen. So all money, cards, PASSPORT!!, phone, wallet. tickets were stolen. She handled it remarkably well, I don't know what I would have done...
Friend is going to India later this year for his medicine prac. He was saying how impossible it was to get a ticket on a direct train trip so he's organised a journey that goes around half the country and takes half as long again to get to there destination and requires 3 train changes. He said he's left 3 hours in between trains. I have a bad feeling he is still going to miss a train somewhere. Even though apparently 14 million people take a train everyday in India, I still don't think I'd put that much faith in their transport system. Or myself and my ability to get to the correct trains.... lol.
So, always sleep with your bag with your important documents UNDER your curtain, and be ready for the culture shock when you go to India.

I gave my father his Father's Day present today and he was so happy to get it. Both Mum and Dad loved it. I had some pictures taken of me (Cara and I spent a couple hours in the Botanical Gardens mucking round with my new camera :) ) and had the good photos printed and put in an album. I also had the nicest one put in a frame so Dad can put it on his desk :)
The last photos printed of me (digital cameras can have their uses :D ) were my formal and graduation photos, which I dont like. Of the 40 or so photos I had taken for my formal, theres only one in which I think I look natural. Before that, on my 16th birthday we had a family photo shoot and well... yeh.....
So I thought I'd take some photos and have them as a physical thing that parents/people can look at and I not feel embarrassed of. I always think I look large and that my smile is forced and I'm just not that photogenic. So at least for the next few years theres something that looks like me in the house. Maybe when I'm 29 I can take another batch and see how much I've changed.

Books: I've just finished the next Artemis Fowl books, The Time Paradox, and loved it. Every book of Eoin (pronounced "Owen") Colfer is genius. I'm relearning Gnommish again to translate the passages on the bottom of each page. For those who haven't read his work, I highly recommend them. Airman is one of my favourites, even thought it's independant of teh Fowl universe.
And yes, I say relearn Gnommish. Not many people know it, but I have been  fluent in writing 4 languages. English, French (I say fluent...but yeh...) Gnommish and Centaurian. 

I've forgotten them now but I love translating the passages because they actually say something! It's not meaningless letters! 

I also wanted to create a website about the Artemis Fowl universe in the form of what's now termed a wiki - I was ahead of my time, at least in my head.

I saw just finished, but it was actually a couple of days ago. The day I bought it to be exact. A solid 8 hours of reading. Good times. 
I've since started on the "The Mortal Instruments' trilogy. It young adult fiction set in New York with demons. Thats pretty much it. :D
The reason I bought and am reading these books is because of the author Cassandra Clare. If you were ever into Harry Potter fanfiction, chances are this name seems familiar. She wrote these HUGE epic fics collectively called the "Draco Trilogy". They were her versions of books 5 - 7, where Draco, all high and mighty, befriends the Trio, sees the light and fights on the 'good' side. When I say huge here, I mean, 
500 - 1200 pages. So, obviously it took CC a couple of years to write all this and so I ended up stalking her blog and found out that she had an original work being published. I've been meaning to read it since it came out March last year, but hadn't got around to it. Ok, bit more back story. I read teh Draco Trilogy while at high school, and never actually finished it (I still need to read the final chapter). But I do remember that she's a quote horder. And as msn was a big thing at the time, so was I. So I have this word doc full of potential witty msn names, half of which are taken from her work. 
So, thats fine.
Here is where I am unhappy.
A few times she has recycled passages from her Draco Trilogy. I'm sure she's picked out bits from her LotR fics (which I haven't read) as well. It's not much, but it is there. I recognised one of favourite quotes popping up and then an entire passage about a falcon.
Then, after I read the falcon passage, I thought about the characters and story and realised it was very similar to Harry Potter.
The main character is a girl (resembles Harry) and as she discovers this new world she befriends a trio, led by a boy (who is VERY much like CC's Draco in her Draco Trilogy, and this boy becomes the main girls love interest), the other two, the boy doesn't like the protagonist and the girl is just pretty (not smart though).  I'm not explaining this very well. But I do seem to be able to recognise some bad writing now. Not bad in general, but bad structures, plot weaknesses etc. nothing major, but better than nothing.
This isn't going any where and if you've kept reading, I congratulate you.

I seem to have run out of steam.
*the audience collectively sighs with relief*
au revoir
 

I am jobless and munnyless. Well I do have money, but I keep spending it and am now down to my last $20.....
and I have no job to keep topping it up. I have self discipline issues. Which is fine when it comes to eating and health and sleeping and attending uni, but really sucks when it comes to money. Not having any munny doesn't really bother me becuase I have no need to pay for things (<3 parents <3 ) but obviously it is nice to be able to spend now and again. I have a budget. I have a new one every time I spend huge wads of cash and feel guilty. And when I'm in the rare ( I think its monthly, which is something I should really study about myself, but thats another train of thought) clear, responsible, planning moods, I make budgets, I make PLANS. This, I like to call it 'clear casting' (wow reference... frame of mind only lasts a couple days, then I'm back to muddle headed, superficial thoughts me. Which I am ok with, because that's where I am now and if I hated it I might've done something bout it... (prolly not but again, a thought for another time)
This post is going nowhere. I want to talk bout m *censorbd* I am very conscious that people I know read this. It takes away the anominity of the internetrz. And yet making a blog and not telling anyone about it would be fruitless as I'd never update cause no one would read it and I'd be better writing in a paper diary. Which I have discovered from my 13/14 year old self. Actually, I remember writing the entries and thinking, 'what am i going to think when I'm older and reading this' (my teen diaries are about a total of half a dozen entries over the entire 6 yrs, including the last 2 or 3 when i didn't write any) 
yah... teen angsty me is funny
and i mean, TEEN ANGST, 
but i wasnt emo. i was before the emo genration. i dressed in black and spikes cause i liked it not cause i was a poser. unfortuanetly cause of all the littel emo fucks now runnig around, i can no longer dress like that for fear of being labeled one of them :(
i realise you may go at that statement 'but you shouldnt care what other people think!' this is true, but i have also moved on with my fashion style. 
ah life.... how i wish your many mysteries were clear to me....
if my paragraphs seem disjointed, its because this entry was written over the course of an hour
i hate teamwork
why is human interaction vital to human survival :( sometimes that fact really pisses me off.
and time. but going there requires more brain energy than i am willing to spend tonight.
so off to do uni work...
waking up in a few hours...
the cupcakes were fantastic.

 so much for being decisive....
no cupcakes for celia this weekend :(
i may go shopping but considering I ran Kara (wow) yesterday and how much i got to do.... i doubt it
hehehe i am so bad, i should officially change my middle name to procrastination....

 i have decided:
sunday will be market day
i am going shopping for stuff i have been putting off and now have run out of
i shall bake cupcakes
and sometime do my fuck load of assessment all due on monday

~ziggle pop~

 i also want to go on a picnic

this is almost becoming a twitter... 
i have timtams

i am considering ditching uni and swinging by west end just for cupcake goodness tomorrow
anyone care to join me
i also have a camera
i dont know what this has to do with anything


CCCCCCUUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPPPCCCCCCCCCCCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKKKKKKEEEEEEEEEEESSSSS

 i have been craving cupcakes for the last 2 weeks
not eating (i mean, i do that everyday) but baking them
but, alas, i am sick
now if i thought i could down 24 cupcakes PLUS copious amounts of buttercream before they cupcakes went stale, id have baked them days ago 
but, as it were, i am sick :( and i dont know think many would appreciate me coughing/other sick whatever-ing into their cupcakes
because cupcakes should bring joy, not terminal illness
(im not terminally ill, i just think it adds to teh dramatic effect)
so, i want to get better
now
if, on the weekend i am still coughing, i may call it and bake them anyway and not tell anyone.
and they shall enjoy the sugary goodness

so my cupcake plans are:
1  dozen vanill cupcakes 
1 dozen chocolate cupcakes
1 batch vanilla frosting
1 batch chocolate icing
and mix and match the above

the will be deliciousful

and i get to lick the bowl :)

home cooking is the win

my tissues have finally run out.....
and i dont want to leave my room for more
:(

and running out of tissues

D:

i am officially unemployed
im also going to see panic at teh disco tomorrow night
ive eaten too many cookies tonight
what i dont like: when my knitting twists even after ive checked it a billion times
i want to work in a bookstore

oh to live some hundreds of years ago

to live when being an assassin is an acceptable profession

nil mortifi sine lancre